drug enduced poetry

its not like it sounds. not recreational drugs, but antibiotics

CAN IT EXIST

There is no absolute

No heaven or hell

Nothing to save me now

Take me away from it all

Let me bury my head in the sand again

Give me my bricks back

They crumble into sand in my hands

and blow away in the breeze

shattered glass crunches under my feet

as I wander amongst the rubble

that once surrounded my heart

scatterings of padlocks warped

by your consistent force

you don’t see the tears that hide behind my smile

the slow cracks that are building inside

I think I was born sick

that I can never really be free.

You hold me up high, taking my hand

Leading me out of ground zero into the sunlight

But you don’t hold on tight enough

You keep walking in the shadows around me

Pulling me close but also keeping your distance

I tell you my sins but it only sharpens your bite

I fall farther and farther with no safety net to catch me

This madness inside you’ve set free flies rampantly

I watch it self destruct

Trying to bury me alive with it

And with no one to control it

It actually might

Your love is like a tumor

Swallows me whole as it engulfs my body

But slowly eating away at my soul

I reach for your hand again but its not there

You’ve slipped into the shadows

Left me alone

Time and time again

I fight the tears that threaten to tear me down

And try to build my walls again

But you’ve hidden my supplies

Left me helpless like a newborn babe

You hold me completely in your hands

With each smile you give I melt inside

and I take your hand freely

unaware of each tiny pin prick

you inadvertently put into my heart

with each step forward to you

my heart cries in pain

as I stumble, blindly, towards a happiness

intertwined with misery

too lost in everything to look back

I keep stepping forward

Searching the shadows for you

Hoping for the impossible

Dreaming of the unrealistic

only then can I be free